Hair Loss Epidemic
13
Sep 2009
Everyone in my household has suddenly lost their hair…
Posted in The Kitchen Sink
Consider yourself warned.
10
Sep 2009
I write this post hoping that it will allow me to let some things go that I am carrying around this week. Feel free to skip it, I will not be offended. It may lack some of my usual humor. I just hope someday to look back at some of these posts and feel so much better and stronger, and feel silly for spending so much time worrying about somethings that will turn out to be so irrelevant in a couple months. Still, I feel it is important to not only share the good, but also to admit that sometimes life is so unbelievably overwhelming. I cannot be the only one that feels that way.
I am fully aware that my being pregnant is heightening all of my emotions. Pregnancy adds a whole level of stress to life that, even in the best circumstances, can be completely, mind-blowingly overwhelming. There is so much uncertainty. Is everything going to be okay with the baby? How is Zane going to react? How are we going to handle having a newborn again? How am I going to handle a newborn, and working over 11 hours a day at this daycare?! I can barely handle just the daycare these days!
Being self-employed can kind of suck. When I was pregnant with Zane I worked for a large bank and had great benefits. I took over 3 months off and was able to be paid a portion of my salary the whole time. And to think, at that time I was so bummed when it ended! Well, when you are self-employed, no one pays you if you take off work. Any time I close the daycare for Maternity Leave is entirely unpaid and that is stressful. There is also the fact that if I close the daycare, even at all, when I have Rocky, that some or all of my daycare kids may not come back. This job is fickle. I have been doing daycare for about 2 years and I have watched DOZENS of kids. Some for only a couple days, some for almost the entire 2 years. I can tell that I am a little burnt out, which I feel is understandable. I am growing a little human being inside of me and that can take a lot out of a person.
The truth is, I don’t really want to do daycare anymore. It is exhausting. I love kids, but carrying for other peoples children is not nearly as enjoyable as caring for your own. I work 55+ hours a week for less than minimum wage! That is crazy! But, I do it because I want to be home with my kids. I love being a Mom, and I want to be able to be there for all the little things and experiences they go through. However, I am starting to wonder if it is really worth it. Our entire house is taken over by the daycare, kids are always here. Yes, I get to be with Zane, but is it really quality time when there are 4 other kids here and I am super stressed and Zane just wants to chill on the couch?
There is also the issue that I am stuck at home all the time. I cannot volunteer in Zane’s class, I can’t watch him at Gymnastics Practice. I am doing this job so I can be there for Zane, and yet I cannot even actually be there. Parents are always late, so even when I am trying to get somewhere after the kids leave I end up late or not able to make it at all. It is so frustrating.
So here I am. Stuck not sure what to do. Maybe I could get a part-time job that paid me more and only work half days? At least then when I was home, I would be really home. Everyone in our family could relax. We could get rid of the playroom and finally get a dining room table! But then again, who wants to leave a little baby in daycare and go to work everyday? Not me! That is how I ended up doing this job in the first place.
I am sure it will all work itself out, life always does. And now, as I do every time I have a not super happy blog post, I leave you with 5 thing I am happy about. I know that in the grand scheme of things, my problems are tiny compared to those of others, and I like to make these lists to help me remember that.
#1- Zane is learning gymnastics routines now getting ready for the start of the competitive season. It is the cutest thing ever!
#2- Ian. Just Everything about him. I cannot even imagine how much more stressful life would be without him.
#3- Zane telling the neighbor girl that he is going to need help when Rocky gets here, because he “doesn’t have much experience with babies.” The kid is so sweet.
#4- I have a job. I know so many people right now struggling much worse than we are and I feel very lucky that Ian and I are both able to bring in income.
#5- Our President. I know everyone has their own feelings and not everyone loves Obama, but I honestly feel that he has our best interests in his heart. He is not perfect, and he is still figuring a lot of things out, but being President is a really really hard job. I have faith that he is trying hard. When I hear him speak I am inspired and I hope that people give him a chance to show us what he can do. He gives me Hope for our country.
Posted in The Kitchen Sink
30 Before 30 List Item #5
10
Sep 2009
**For The Love of Art**
I can remember being 5 years old and laying in my bed wide awake in the middle of the night contemplating the meaning of life and getting up numerous times to ” get a drink of water”. Really, I was just checking on my family, making sure everyone was still breathing, you know, normal stuff 5 year olds worry about. I have always been a little anxious, I spend way too much time worrying about EVERYTHING. I think my last two items on my list have made that abundantly clear.
There is, however, one activity I have always been able to do that completely calms my nerves. For once my mind can just rest, I can simply enjoy the calmness around me. For me, this is painting. I love to paint. I do not consider myself very good at it, I will never be a world renowned artist or make a living as a painter. But I love it. It calms my soul. I can paint for hours in silence and for that time, my body will completely relax. I won’t be making to-do lists in my head, or wondering about the future, I will simply be in the present.
I took a painting class last semester that I absolutely loved. Some evenings or on the weekend I would head down to the studio at the school and find an empty classroom, set up my supplies and just paint. There is something so calming about an empty canvas and a bucket full of paint.I love the freedom of it all. I love that mistakes are easily corrected, or not corrected at all. I love that art is all relative. You don’t have to like anything I paint. It really doesn’t matter to me. Sometimes, when I am done with a painting, the end product is irrelevant. It is the process I went through to create the piece that is more memorable to me.
One of my goals is to paint more. To allow myself that time to do something I completely love that is simply for myself. I would like to really push myself as an artist, to really see what I have to say. I have painted pieces before that have shown so clearly what I was feeling, even though I could not put it into words myself. I want to be able to express myself. I really believe that all of us have such a unique story to tell, that is why I write this blog. I am hoping my paintings can someday be an extension of my story, another chapter that my children’s children can see and understand who I was and what I stood for. Hopefully, it will inspire them to find something that they love, that they can do just for themselves. Something that will calm their nerves and set their soul at ease and allow them to escape just for a little while so they can come back refreshed and ready to tackle the world head on. That is what painting does for me.
Posted in The Kitchen Sink
Smart Kid.
10
Sep 2009
Me- “Did you guys watch President Obama’s speech today at school?”
Zane- “Nope”
Me- “Bummer. Did your teacher say why?”
Zane- “No. Maybe she voted for someone else.”
Posted in The Kitchen Sink
Because I was having a hard day and this always makes me feel better.
9
Sep 2009
Posted in The Kitchen Sink
30 Before 30 List Item #4
8
Sep 2009
Or really, Item #3 Part Deux.
**Feeling Secure**
So, I talked a lot in my lost blog about always feeling nervous about money and wanting to be prepared for any kind of financial emergency. Well, my next item also has to do with feeling prepared. I am a very nervous person. I spend a lot of time worrying about things that will never happen. Ian always jokes about the fact that when I talk about being prepared, I always say, “In case there is an alien attack”. Now, I don’t really believe that aliens are going to attack us. (Although, I may have just totally jinxed us..) I am, however, worried about the state of the world. There is a lot of scary stuff going on in the world all the time. I worry all the time about how I could protect my family if there was a real emergency in our town. Last Winter we had a big storm and lost power for 3 days. We were totally unprepared. We had to go to the store across town 4 times to buy flashlights, batteries, water, etc…
While I was thinking about how much having an adequate savings account would give me piece of mind, I also started thinking, what if I was totally prepared for other kinds of emergencies? That is even less things to stress about! (Although I am sure I would find something!) So, one of my goals is to put together an adequate emergency kit of food, water, supplies, etc.. so that I feel comfortable that we would be able to handle most situations that arise. This may make me sound like a total paranoid freak, but atleast I will be a total paranoid freak that is well prepared 
Posted in The Kitchen Sink
30 Before 30 List Item #3
6
Sep 2009
Okay, so I had every intention of writing this Thursday evening, but I fell asleep. I apologize to all of you that were sitting at your computers anxiously awaiting my post and had to go to bed disappointed. Please know that it is very possible it could happen again! If it does, I will do my very best to post 2 items the next day! It actually works out well, part of the reason I was SO tired the last part of this week has to do with my new goal. AND it is actually kind of a 2-parter, so it makes sense to post them both together! So, what I am trying to say is, I was totally planning falling asleep at 8 o’clock and being tired all week so I could post both of these items together! Onto the Items!
30 Before 30 List Item #3
**Feel Secure**
This one is a little more serious than the other two, and it has two parts! The first part, and the part that has me so extra tired, has to do with Money! Let me start at the beginning. Ian and I got married VERY young, and then had Zane VERY young. We have both been going to school for the past 8 years. Ian finally graduated in May, YEAH!! I, however, chose to have another baby instead of rushing to finish school. I am totally cool with this decision. What I am trying to say is that Ian and I have been doing the poor, starving college student thing for a REALLY REALLY long time. Don’t get me wrong, we have always had enough to meet our needs, and have felt very blessed over the years, but there is always this sense of worry that I carry about money. It might have something to do with the fact that we have never really been able to build up a very good savings, and every time our income seems to drastically increase, it just as drastically decreases. An example, I had a great job at a mortgage company that finally felt stable, and then one day they came in and shut down our entire office. Out of nowhere. Luckily, they paid us a severance package for the next 5 months, but I quickly had to find a new way to make ends meet. Then there is my daycare, I don’t even have to tell you how unstable that is. I went from 8 almost all full-time kids to 4 very part-time kids in a couple months. I now make about 25% what I was making a 6 months ago. Is it any surprise that I am always stressing about money? I know a lot of people that are struggling even worse than we are, and this economy has me totally freaking out at all times.
Well, I am tired of stressing. My goal for the next couple years is to do every single thing I can do to save up enough money to feel secure. I have always been really into finance and budgeting, and Ian and I have done pretty good through our marriage. We don’t have credit cards, the only debts we have are from medical bills or our car. We also have some Student Loans. My goal is to be able to pay all of those off, as well as save a 3-6 month Emergency Fund. I can only imagine how amazing this is going to feel.
About a year ago I read the book Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey and I loved it. I have read a LOT of financial advice books over the years, but this one I felt was the best of them all. It has a very specific plan for eliminating debt and saving money. We actually started implementing the steps into our budget months ago, but then I lost so many kids and that used up our savings pretty quickly. Now, we are back on track and more committed than ever. Ian has a great job that pays him well that he loves. I am in a better mind frame to handle my ever fluctuating daycare income, and have taken a lot of steps to adjust our budget to handle this.
One of the first steps we are doing is building up a small emergency fund before we begin actively trying to eliminate our debts. This is where our garage sale came in, and one of the reasons I have been SO extra tired. The book recommends getting rid of all that extra stuff we all carry in our homes that we don’t really need. Ian and I went through our stuff and found quite a bit of that! We sold some of it at a garage sale, posted some on craigslist, and have made close to $200 already! Not too bad for a bunch of stuff we had in boxes in our garage!! We still have a bunch of stuff left, and some people that want to buy some stuff from our craigslist posts this week, so I am curious to see what our final total will be! I am trying to put myself in the mind frame that any sacrifices we make now will pay off ten times when we have the security to not have to worry about money so much. It is going to be hard. We are going to have to say NO a lot. This is hard for us, we like to be at every event possible. We have had months where we were out of town every weekend because it was someone’s birthday, or a holiday, or someone wanted to get together and we can no longer do that. Everything has to be well planned and budgeted. But like I said, any sacrifices we make now are going to pay off so much more in the long run.
I am going to be blogging about this a lot since it is one of the items on my list that I am actively working on right now. I highly recommend Dave’s Book to anyone else who is tired of feeling stressed and wants a little more security in their lives. He has a great set of steps to lead you on the path to financial freedom. (okay that was corny…)
Posted in The Kitchen Sink
And She is BACK!
6
Sep 2009
Whoo! It has been a crazy, but good, few days!
Some Good News: I found my Camera! Yeah! Expect many picture posts coming soon!
More Good News: As long as I NEVER shut my laptop off, it is working great! However, if I shut it, it stops working for like 3 days…I still consider this good news though, it could easily not be working at all!
All week we had been getting stuff ready for a garage sale we had on Saturday! (More about that later) I have been trying to clean out our extra room so we can set it up for Rocky, and by set it up, I pretty much just mean put a crib in there. I am still on a hunt for an affordable crib and once I find one, I want to be able to put it somewhere! It is so funny to think that when we had Zane we lived in a one bedroom duplex, so Zane’s room was our room! It feels weird this time for the baby to have its own room! What is even funnier is that Ian and I never really thought about putting Rocky in our extra room until just recently! We kept talking about fitting the crib in our bedroom, and then one of us finally brought up the fact that we do have a whole extra room with nothing in it but a bookshelf! It will feel weird to me to have the baby sleeping so far away!
Speaking of Rocky, I am 31 weeks pregnant today! Which means we are down to single digits! Only 9 weeks until he (should) make his appearance! I am getting so excited! Time feels like it is going by so fast! I am so ready to meet our little guy!!
I have a lot of posting to make up for being absent the last part of this week! I have been extremely tired lately, falling asleep as soon as Zane is in bed at 8 some nights. The good news (well, sort of..) Is that my doctor told me I am anemic, which really didn’t surprise me since I was when I was pregnant with Zane. At least I know that the lack of Iron may of been a big part of my general exhaustion, and now that I am upping my Iron intake hopefully I will have a little more energy. As much energy as a woman in her third trimester can realistically have.
Today was definitely a day of rest at the Graham House. Zane has not been feeling too well, he has a cough and a low grade fever. This morning he woke up at 4am and was unable to get back to sleep. Which means I was unable to get any sleep either. I made us a big pancake breakfast after Ian and I were up, and then both Zane and Ian took a 3 hour nap!! Once they finally woke up we watched a little Planet Earth, because Sundays are AWESOME on the Discovery Channel, and basically just lounged around hanging out and resting. I am so excited that I have the day off tomorrow! I have Federal Holidays in my daycare contract as Paid Holidays, and I could really use this one!!
Zane and I are going to do some more hanging out while Ian is at work. Poor Ian doesn’t get the day off. I think he might come home early though, which will be nice.
I have a lot of Items from my list to add! Happy Labor Day Everyone! Stay Safe!
Posted in The Kitchen Sink
New Post Coming Soon, I promise!
4
Sep 2009
My new post is coming soon, as well as an explanation on why it is so late! It is all related! Happy Labor Day Weekend Everyone!!
Posted in The Kitchen Sink
30 Before 30 List-Item #2
2
Sep 2009
**Road Trip To Pennsylvania to visit Amish Country**
I have been been talking about taking a cross-country road trip since Ian and I got married! Every Summer we talk about doing it, and every Summer it gets pushed off until the next Summer. Well, finally we are going to do it! I think part of the problem is we could never figure out a real destination that we wanted to travel too. It had to be somewhere fun,that we would enjoy, but not so overly expensive that it would take us FOREVER to save up to go. We talked about places like Mt. Rushmore, or The Grand Canyon but none of those were really far enough for us, and honestly they are not super exciting enough that I would base a whole road trip off of going to see them.
There are few things in the world that I love more than the Amish. I once saw a group of Amish people in a Chili’s and pretended to go to the bathroom three times just to see what they were eating. Those of you that read my blog know that they were eating Fajitas. I love reading books about the Amish, I love their simple ways and prudent living. I have even taken a semester of German to prepare me for any small chance that an Amish person actually speaks to me. One did smile at me at Winco before, one of the highlights of my life. My Mother told me this weekend that my Great Great Great Grandmother was Amish. Unfortunately, she is a big LIAR. My Mother, not my Great Great Great Grandmother. That’s right Mom, I am calling you out. My Mother was only kidding when she said that, but I got so excited that I might possibly somehow be connected to the Amish, I may never forgive her.
I have decided that this road trip will consist only of music written by American song writers, preferably songs that have the names of States in them. Playlist to come soon. Also, when we do reach Amish Country I will of course be respectful and not intrude and simply appreciate them from afar. There will also be no pictures of the Amish from my trip, as they do not believe in having their pictures taken. I will, however, try to get some to sit for me to draw a portrait. I will let you know how that goes.
This road trip will also consist of the following games from my childhood: Car Bingo, State License Plate Game, Slug Bugs, How long can Heather go without talking Game (My parents favorite game, and surprisingly the one I was the worst at…) and my personal favorite, How many times can we get totally lost and somehow still find our destination without asking for directions. There may be a GPS purchase in my future.
So there you have it, an item for my list that combines two goals-Road Trip and Amish Appreciation! Maybe on the way back we can trade our car for a Horse and Buggy! Also, Jon & Kate and their 8 live in Pennsylvania, however we will NOT be stopping by. Too much Drama. We will, however, be swinging through Arkansas so I can say Hi to the Duggars! But, that is only if Ian lets me, as he is convinced you get pregnant immediately if you even step on their land.
Posted in The Kitchen Sink
2
Sep 2009
Everyone must read this:
www.twitter.com/shitmydadsays
Hilarious! It’s this guy tweeting things his 73 year old father says! I have been cracking up all morning!
And while you are there, follow me on twitter! www.heymae.com
But I am not nearly as funny as the 73 year old Dad.
Posted in The Kitchen Sink
30 Before 30
1
Sep 2009
Okay, here is the deal. In 3 and one half years I will turn 30. To 99.99% of you, that is no big deal. To the .01% that is me, it is a HUGE deal. I always imagined 30 as this terrifying entrance into the tunnel of adulthood that I have been avoiding entering. Now, I know life doesn’t ACTUALLY end at 30, but I have always some what felt as if 30 was the time I had to stop being a wild and crazy kid (with a husband and 2 kids mind you) and start buying life insurance. Okay, I kid. It is not actually that bad. There are just certain things I want to do while I am still in my twenties, and my list for my thirties is very different.
Now, I can already hear some of you saying, “But I am 30 and I am still doing Wild & Crazy things!” Well, that is Awesome for you. Now go get your own blog and you can write all about that. This blog is about me.
Also, still shopping in the Junior’s department doesn’t count as wild or crazy, and neither does going to parties with your kids. You are embarrassing them, and most importantly, yourself. It is time to Stop. That is what your twenties were for.
A while ago I started making a list of things I wanted to do before I hit that big 3-0. Some of them may seem silly to you. Some of the ARE silly. I am a silly person, get over it. Honestly though, I have given this list a lot of thought and I really want to do every single thing on it, as small and trivial as some of them may seem. I decided to blog one of the thirty things everyday through the month of September, since, well, it has 30 days in it. My goal is to then be able to continue to blog through my journey to complete each thing on my list, for the next 3 and a half years. That’s right, if you are reading this you have now committed to reading my blog until the year 2013. That is, of course, assuming the world does not, in fact, end in 2012. If it does, that will give me 3 less months to finish my list, and that is not very fair. I NEED 3 and one half years exactly to finish this list.
Now for the exciting part- #1! These are of course in no particular order, it just depends which one I feel like writing about today. Well, today I was thinking about Halloween, and that just so happens to directly relate to one of the items on my list. Drum Roll Please…..
30 Before 30 List: Item #1
*See the Rocky Horror Picture Show Live at Midnight on Halloween*
I have always wanted to do this!! I really enjoy the movie, and have always wanted to experience it Live, which I hear is a whole experience unto itself! Plus, they put it on every year in Chico at Midnight on Halloween and I just cannot think of a better time to go! Now, those of you that know me know that I am not a “stay up late” kind of girl. I can count on one hand the number of times in the last year that I have made it past midnight. I enjoy my beauty sleep. Well, what better time to stay up late than when you are young?! I will, of course, be learning the Time Warp dance in preparation. If you are lucky, there may even be a video blog. Im not promising anything, but maybe.
So there you have it, the first of many. I told you that they were not all going to be profound, life changing experiences! Sometimes, you just want to do things, for no reason at all other than you think they sound neat. Those life experiences are what I hope to remember when I am old and senile and living in a nursing home and Ian has to read this blog to me to remind me of all the fun I had. And then I will remember everything again for about 5 minutes, but in my version we do not lie in each others arms and peacefully pass into the afterlife. In my version we tell That’s What She Said jokes and laugh until we both have heart attacks, but not before we had a chance to pull some crazy practical jokes that no one will discover until we are long gone. That is how I want to go down. That’s What She Said.
Posted in The Kitchen Sink
30 Weeks!
31
Aug 2009
Great Weekend!
First off, I am now 30 weeks pregnant!! Isn’t that insane?! There is a little excitement in the air around here as we are all starting to realize that Rocky is really going to be here soon! I was down at my parents house this weekend and brought back up some stuff we had left there for my sister when her baby Kaleb was born. We brought back a swing, bathtub, bouncer and a bunch of clothes! I am starting to feel like we are going to be able to find everything we need! We have been really lucky with people giving us their hand me downs for the baby, so we almost have everything we need! YEAH!
This weekend we traveled down to Lockwood for the wedding of some friends from High School! Mr. and Mrs. Jon Conatser had a beautiful ceremony at Mission San Antonio, and the bride was absolutely gorgeous! I absolutely LOVE weddings! I wish them all the happiness in the whole universe!
Zane was a very lucky little boy and while we were attending the wedding, he got to have a weekend slumber party with his cousin Linkin. I am pretty sure he had the best time ever! He did not want to leave! This is the conversation we had last night before bed:
Me-”Zane I am so happy you decided to come back and live with us again!”
Zane-”I didn’t. I wanted to stay at Linkin’s but you made me come home.”
Me-…heart broken…
Really though, he had the best time and we are so thankful that Chelsea and Seth were able to have him! Thanks Guys!! It was nice to be able to enjoy the wedding without having to keep Zane from jumping into the fountain or doing headstands in the aisles!
In other news, I seem to have misplaced my Camera. This is seriously holding me back from posting some very interesting blogs. I am hoping to find it today, my only hope is that one of the kids did not pick it up and put it in some random cupboard or in the dress up box or something. More likely, I moved it up so they couldn’t reach it and now I can’t remember where.
I have many things to blog about this week, so hopefully I will find my camera soon! Stay Tuned!!
Posted in The Kitchen Sink
Must Keep Eyes Open.
25
Aug 2009
I am so tired. I hereby officially take back ANY other time I ever complained about being tired. My whole body is aching to go to sleep. Sadly, the sleep does not seem to cure the tired. I wake up just as tired, if not more, than when I went to bed. I have been trying to convince Ian that it is prefectly healthy for pregnant woman to drink Energy Drinks in their third trimesters. So far, he is not buying it.
The second I found out I was pregnant Ian began to get crazy about my caffeine intake. Which means I have not had a sip of soda in almost 30 weeks. Now, Ian is not usually that interested in what I eat, and he would never try and control it, but for some reason he is crazy about this caffeine thing. I am not sure if he read something online about caffeine leading to crazy mutant babies or maybe he just knows someone who drank a lot of caffeine and their baby came out really hyper but he is convinced that caffeine equals certain disaster. If I even mention drinking some soda he gets this really worried look on his face that says, “sure sweetie, if soda is that important to you go ahead and ruin our unborn babies life.” Of coure, he says this with a 40 ounce of Dr. Pepper in his hand.
Seriously though, I have got to get some decent rest. Luckily, today I only had 2 babies so I was able to put them down for a nap at 11 so that I could lay on the couch and attempt a quick power nap. This was only semi-successful. The little girl I watch likes to sleep for 20 minutes, scream for 10, sleep for 20….even when the house is completely silent. Not the best napping environment.
Okay, I am off to attempt another night of frequently interrupted, uncomfortable sleep. Goodnight.
Posted in The Kitchen Sink
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