Hey Guys!
I am happy to report that life is going so good right now! February has already been an eventful month for us!
Due to some less than desirable circumstances we moved to a different apartment. Those less than desirable circumstances included bums, smashed car windows, cops pounding on our door (twice), graffiti on our door, and a stolen BBQ pit. We ended up picking up all of our stuff and moving it to the completely opposite side of our apartment complex, and I must say, the change has been amazing. Instead of crackheads, we now see the playground out of our living room window. Instead of neighbors standing outside our door smoking, we now have a friendly neighbor who walks his cat. We are so, so happy with the move. We are able to feel so much safer, and also save money towards our goal of buying a house. I feel like our family is finally thriving after so much chaos these last few months!

Rocky is getting so big! He is super smiley and just got a new play gym that he loves to lay on and play with his toys. He is a super sweet, happy guy and we all just are totally enamored by him! We have only had one hiccup, and that has only been rough for me. Rocky has decided the very act of breast feeding is so horribly offensive that he will scream his lungs out if I even attempt the act. He was fine the first 3 months, but then I got really sick for a week and my supply almost all went away so we gave him formula to supplement. Turns out he prefers formula way over anything I have to bring to the table. It has been kind of rough for me, especially since I am working full time. Breast feeding was something special that only I could do for him. I enjoyed that special bonding time, and it makes me sad that it is over sooner than I would of liked. However, there is nothing I can do about it, and I am not letting it get me down. He is a super wonderful little guy, and he knows I love him and we are bonded for life, whether I breast feed him or not. Also, I have a new found respect for all the woman I know who either chose to not breast feed, or couldn’t. Making bottles in the middle of the night is SO much harder than breast feeding. We are adjusting well, and I can tell Ian actually likes that he is able to feed Rocky and experience some of that bonding for himself.

Zane has a very full life right now. Since August he has been begging me to enroll him in his schools after school program that all of his friends go to. I was really reluctant, because I didn’t want to miss out on that time with him. Well, I finally gave in and he absolutely loves it! It makes me feel like he is so big now!! He loves hanging out with his friends and gymnastics. He is getting so good and working so hard to learn new stunts every day! He is excelling at school and is so bright and fun! We are so proud of the little man he is becoming. He has such a big heart. He has been really into playing basketball and learning tricks on his Yo Yo lately, and he is getting so much better at both. It is neat to watch Zane set his mind to something and practice until he gets it right.

Ian and I feel really lucky to have Rachel living with us. She is such an amazing Nanny for our kids and takes such great care of them while we are at work! It is so nice to know that they are being taken care of and to know that she loves them so much. She is working on saving money for esthetician school, which would be full-time so she would not be able to work. It makes me really happy to have my sister here, and to know that we are both able to help each other out right now. She is great!

Ian is a super busy guy. He is excelling at work, and is way too modest to tell you that he was named Employee of the Quarter for the entire Marketing Department! He also is working on some really exciting side projects with various members of his family, and even just had a video art piece he collaborated on with his brother make it into a Film Festival! He is also a really terrific father, always making time to hang with Rocky and to teach Zane all kinds of amazing things. He is also a really amazing husband, I am a lucky lady! He even bought me flowers for Valentines day, hid them in Rachel’s car (which he drove to work that day), with the intention of putting them on my desk after I left for lunch. Only silly me decides I need to take that car home with me on my break so I can take the kids and Ray out for breakfast. I totally ruined the surprise!! Ian was so bummed, and I felt so bad! But I loved them and he is super sweet anyways!

I am really happy right now. I feel like all of the craziness of the past few months has paid off and we are exactly where we are supposed to be right now. I love my job. I love my schedule, the people I work with, my company, my position. I love the peace of mind I have, and the things we are able to do now that we are both working. My stress level is at an all time low. I love the change I have seen in my family. The pure happiness everyone exudes. We still have somethings we are working on, I am still trying to get everyone to agree to go back to church. I think we are close. We are a very spiritual family, but for some reason we fail at attending church regularly. We will pray as a family, talk about God, but as soon as I mention going to church, everyone freaks out. I feel like it is the one thing we are missing. I know I could go by myself, but I have done that and it gets old fast. I want us to be there as a family. I think that is what I am going to ask for as my birthday present! Yes, my birthday is coming up, the big 2-7. Every year for the past 4 years I have set my mind on a theme for the next year. My 27th year is going to be all about pushing myself to do things that scare me, things I have always wanted to do but havn’t. I am really excited for some of the things I have planned!

Rocky and Zane need my attention now, but I just wanted to get this down. I don’t want to forget what an exciting time this has been for us!

Get up at 4
Take a shower, throw some clothes on
Get to work by 4:45
Work like a mad woman until 9
Go home for “lunch” and feed/play with Rocky
Back to work by 10
Work like a mad woman until 2-try to tell myself I am going to go home soon
Get home between 3:30 and 4
Hug and Play and Kiss my boys
Dinner time
Homework/Housework/Prepare for the next day
Stories and more hugs and kisses
Try to go to bed by 7:30
plead with Rocky to please go to sleep and stop laughing and smiling at me
Give up, play with Rocky until he falls asleep
Fall asleep
Wake up in 3 hours, feed Rocks
Fall asleep
Wake up in 3 hours, feed Rocks
Fall asleep
Wake up one more time to feed Rocky
Realize I have to be up in an hour
Get up at 4

Rinse and Repeat.

The truth is I really enjoy my job and I am happy to have found one. We are finally getting into a routine and my boys are happy and loved.We are busy but happy.

Zane has started his gymnastics season! We have been having Meets on the weekends, he is doing so good! I am going to make a separate post about those! Also, Ian is gone for 2 weeks at the Sundance Film Festival, where his brother is showing his short film, Charlie and the Rabbit. Really exciting! However, we miss Ian and are ready for him to be home already!

In short, Life is Good.

I am striving for Strength this year! I want to complete Half Marathon training and hopefully find one to run in! I want to strive to do really well at my job and build up my clientele to hopefully become an Account Manager in the next year! I want to have fun with my family and continue to balance Work and Home in the most seamless way possible!

Ian wants to get in really good shape! (He is not one to make a lot of resolutions..)

Zane wants to learn to do a backflip, and a back handspring. He wants to work on being a better artist. He also wants to work on being really kind and healthy and having strong bones. (That is what he told me..)

Rocky would like to learn to crawl this year, and maybe even walk! He also wants to get some teeth.

We have had such a crazy year of change in 2009! In February we decided to have another baby, and in February I got pregnant! In October I quit the daycare and we moved. Then in November Rocky was born, and in December I got my new job! I think we are all really hoping for some stability this year, and the chance to really focus on enjoying our time together as a family. 2009 was a lot of stress on us as a family, and I must say we handled it really well! Now we would like a little break, and a little FUN! Here’s to the Best Year Yet!

I seriously love New Years! I love the idea of a fresh start, I love New Year Resolutions! I know some people think they are lame, and that people never keep them, but I have always thought anything that motivates people to want to try and be just a little bit better is Awesome! I, of course, have a few thing I want to work on this year, but more about that later!

Things are really, really good here! They are also CRAZY busy! We have adjusted well to our new schedules, I started my 5 a.m. shift now that I am done with training and I really love working that early! I LOVE my job!!! I am so happy working there! I am excited to put a lot of energy and effort into it this year and see where it takes me! I am loving that when I am done at work I can come home and just relax and be a Mom and not have to be so stressed out! It is a nice feeling!

We had a wonderful Christmas down in Lockwood! This season was crazy though, I barely did my Christmas shopping on the very last weekend, did not get my Christmas cards mailed, and forgot to get presents for a bunch of people. Usually I am much more on top of the Christmas season, but starting my new job in December really threw me off my game! Don’t be surprised if you get a Christmas Card from me this week!

Rocky is growing so much everyday!! I will post some new pictures today. He is so alert and has such a cute personality! He is either giving us big sloppy grins or he is giving us these hilarious scowls! He has rolled over a couple more times! He really, really loves the bath! If he is fussy we can turn on water and he immediately gets excited! We make him a little hot tub in the sink and he would sit in it forever! It is adorable!

Zane has been practicing really hard at Gymnastics. The season starts this month and he has his first meet in 2 weeks! He has his little routines and it is so exciting to see how much he has grown! He can do some pretty awesome stuff now! I will have to record him and post it!

More updates to come,but for now I am off to enjoy this New Years Day!

I know what you are thinking. “But Heather, I thought that is why you guys moved? So you could be home?!” Well, yes it was why we moved. I do not regret moving at all, but once we got here we realized a couple things. One, things were going to be tight. REALLY tight. Honestly, the budget was too tight to really work. It offered us no opportunity to really get ahead. It became apparent very quickly that one of us was going to have to find a job (in Ian’s case, a second job) to make things really work. We both looked around and applied at a bunch of places. We were both looking for something really part-time and we hoped temporary. We got absolutely no calls. NOTHING. I applied at walmart, target, all the usual suspects that usually hire additional help around the holidays. I did not even get an interview! It was really frustrating. I really felt like something was pushing me to apply for a REAL job. A more permanent job. I fought that feeling for about a week. I felt like I was in a fight with myself. I felt really strongly that I needed to go back to work, but I was not ready. I have this new baby Rocky and I cannot even think about being away from him all day. And who would pick Zane up from school? Take him to Gymnastics? No, me working would definitely not work. But I still had the feeling. The tug on my heart that this was what my family really needed. Security. Yes, staying home is wonderful and ideal for those that can afford to. Unfortunately, we are not at a place in our lives at this moment that it makes sense. And unfortunately, there are not a alot of work at home options for mothers. I felt really strongly that quitting daycare was the right move, and I still do. I have seen so many people really close to me struggle in this economy, and without going into details, I knew that me getting a job would help out a few of those people.

So, I knew this is what I had to do. I spent one night feeling really sorry for myself. I sat on the couch in the middle of the night holding Rocky and just crying. I really just let it all out. I cried for Rocky and Zane, for myself, for this crappy economy and the fact that our society is not really set up in a way that one income families are able to succeed. Let me tell you, it was one big pity party. But then I was done. I had made up my mind and that was that. The next morning I applied for a great job, one that was full-time, but also allowed me to start work early enough that I would be done by the time Zane got out of school. The job is for a great company, and it was a job that I knew I would really, really love and had the opportunity to really pay off for my family. It was perfect. I went from being bummed about having to work, to really really wanting to get this job. AND I GOT IT!! And, I havn’t even mentioned the best part- I work for the same company as Ian! We even get to play fooseball together on our breaks!

The best part about this is that I have the most amazing nanny for Zane and Rocky! My sister Rachel! She loves them almost as much as I do, knows their schedules and will even bring them to me on my lunch break so I can see them! I cannot even express how much it means to me to know that they are being safely cared for, and loved while I am away. I can take the time off to go to Zane’s classroom to volunteer, or go to field trips, and I can even be there for gymnastics practice! I started this past week and I absolutely Love It! The job is really fulfilling and the staff and work environment are absolutely amazing. I am a very lucky woman. I am very happy with how everything has worked out, and I am even happier that Rocky seems to be asleep the entire time I am at work, and then awake the rest of the evening when I am home so that I do not feel like I am missing out on all his awesomeness! I like to think that is God’s little way of making me feel better about this whole situation, and helping me to know that I made the right decision. I know not everyone will understand, but this is a really great thing for my family, and we are all really happy. It is so nice to be able to just relax and focus on my family when I get home, instead of always feeling like I was working like I did when I was doing daycare.

Things are really good right now! I am really looking forward to Christmas and New Years and just being with family and enjoying the holidays without having to be so super stressed about money anymore. I feel really, really blessed in my life right now. I am a very luck lady.

And just in case you thought I only take pictures of Rocky now, here is proof that Zane was in fact at the same Thanksgiving with us, even though we only ever saw him at night when he curled up with me on the fold out couch.

This is Zane’s personal idea of heaven.

Rocky is 2 Weeks Old! He has been doing great and we are all adjusting really well! Zane is so absolutely in love with his brother, but is really really excited for Rocky to get a little bit older so he can play with him! Rocky is really good baby! He has his fussy time between 10-12 at night, but after that he will usually sleep until 5 which is really nice! He sleeps a lot during the day, but he is starting to have more and more alert times that we are really enjoying! I am still struggling to get my energy back, I was really anemic after I had Rocky so I am hoping my extra iron pills will help. I am starting to feel like the fog is lifting a little bit and hopefully soon we will back to being members of society again!

I spent most of Wednesday in bed resting, I was feeling a little better but still not back to normal. My body felt so achy and weak, it was hard to walk around. By late afternoon I was feeling a little bit better, and came out in the living room to hang out with my family for a while. I even sat on my birthing ball for a good 5 minutes. Zane was at a play-date with Carys, and Ian, my Mom, Whitney and I were just hanging around in the living room. I was tired of my birthing ball, and feeling pretty weak, so I went to my favorite Orange Chair to sit and rest. As I went to sit down, I raised my leg up so I could sit on it. As I did that I felt this gush of fluid. I totally froze. I immediately jumped up and told my family that I thought my water had just broke, and of course, they totally started freaking out. Everybody jumped out of their seats, they were all asking me if I was sure, and they all looked so excited! I was freaking out. I felt this instant sense of panic. I was not ready for this! I was still so weak and shaky, I had no confidence that I would be able to do this. I started pacing back and forth in the living room, saying I wasn’t totally sure. My mom had me try and sit back the way I had before, and when I went to sit down, another gush of fluid came out. Oh Crap. This was really it! My family started grabbing bags, calling Rachel to come watch Zane and Kaleb, Ian jumped in the car to go pick up Zane. I simply paced back and forth in the living room. I was seriously freaking out. I started grabbing all of this random stuff and putting it in my hospital bag. More clothes, Q-tips, Stuff I thought Rocky might need. My family was making sandwiches, telling jokes, they all seemed so excited, especially since they were not the ones that had to push this baby out!

My water broke at 6, at 7 my family was finally full of sandwiches and ready to go to the hospital. On the drive to Paradise, I started having some contractions. They were just painful enough for me to completely be freaking out. I was seriously as white as a ghost. I felt so not ready to do what I knew I was going to have to do. I had just spend the last few days barely able to get out of bed. My family was talking and laughing while I sat in the front seat totally silent. When we pulled up to the Birthing Center my family started to get out of the car but I made them stop. I asked them to say a prayer with me. Now, regardless of your personal religious beliefs, I am a huge believer in prayer. It makes me feel better. There have been times that I have doubted my beliefs, or organized religion in general, but I have ALWAYS believed in prayer. There is something so reassuring about asking God, or even just the universe to watch over you. I said a prayer asking for the ability to be strong, and not to freak out. I believe those were my exact words, Dear God, Do Not Let Me Freak Out!! Amen. I immediately felt better. As we walked down the hallway my contractions were already coming faster and harder. I told the lady at the desk that my water had broke, and she said she believed me, which I thought was a kind of weird thing to say. Maybe they get a lot of liars at this particular hospital?!

The took us into the delivery room and hooked me up to a bunch of machines. They have this awesome machine that they hook around my belly that shows a line graph of my contractions, with the spikes being higher depending on how hard the contraction is. It is pretty cool to see the line go all the way off the chart when you are having a really bad contraction. It kind of makes me feel like, see, this is a really big line, so I am allowed to be yelling like this!! My contractions were pretty painful at this point and coming every couple minutes, but I was in the zone. I was totally focused and my breathing was perfect and I was totally in control. The nurses kept saying how fast my labor was going to go, which I totally expected since Zane’s was only 4 hours. They called the midwife that was on duty, but for some reason she was not there, so they called the other midwife to come to the hospital, and I was so so happy because it was my favorite midwife!! The same midwife that delivered Zane. As soon as she came in the room I knew this was going to go well. We had already done this before, 6 years ago. I knew exactly what to expect from her, and she knew exactly what to expect from me and my body. She checked me and I was dilated 6 centimeters already. My contractions were coming fast and furious, and she reminded me again that this was probably going to go quickly. She also let me know that my entire bag of water had not completely ruptured yet, but as soon as it did, we were going to have to hurry because this baby was coming! I decided to get through the next hour of contractions in the shower in my room. It was seriously dejavu. Ian did exactly what he did when I was laboring with Zane and held the shower head on my back with the hottest water possible as I focused my way through the next phase of contractions. If you have the option, I highly recommend incorporating water into your birth. I cannot even explain what a difference it makes. I felt another large gush as my water broke again. The midwife was right, as soon as that happened the contractions came harder and faster. We moved back into the bed where I was now 8-9 cms. It was almost time. I had remained super focused and composed through all my contractions up to this point. Now it was getting bad. My sister Whitney recorded my voice as I was really struggling through my last phase of contractions. I seriously sounded like some sort of primal animal. My fever was creeping back up and I was beginning to get really nauseaus so they had an air mask for me to breath into in between contractions. It helped so much. Before I knew it, I had dilated to a 10 and it was time. I could absolutely feel the babys head making its way down the birth canal. Rocky came out in 2 pushes. It was so excruciatingly painful, but over so fast! I was in shock! I kept asking if that was seriously it?! I was done already?! The whole experience was so wonderful. There is this feeling after giving birth that I get that is so amazing, such a moment of pride, like I really did this?! I am Awesome! When the contractions got really bad I just kept repeating to myself, You Can Do This Heather. You did this once before and you can totally do this again. I really think having a calm, positive attitude once we got to the hospital made a huge difference.

As soon as Rocky was out they placed him on my chest, which honestly, if you had asked me I probably would of thought would of been gross, but at that instant I did not care. I was so relieved and happy and fell so instantly in love with this little guy. I was much more emotional this time than I was with Zane. I seriously was in a state of euphoria. I was so happy and so proud and so relieved to not be pregnant anymore. Rocky was finally here, and he was beautiful and healthy and everything I could of ever asked for.