heymae

The Most Embarrassing Moment of My Entire Life.

21
Sep 2009

I do not exaggerate (this time). Those of you who know me personally can vouch for the fact that I embarrass myself on a daily, if not hourly basis. Ian could write an entire blog about all the crazy things I do that are totally, utterly embarrassing. I have put my foot in my mouth and said completely inappropriate things, made totally inappropriate jokes around the wrong people, and even eaten some really embarrassing stuff. Most of the time, these things do not bother me. Yes, I privately cringe when I think back on certain moments, but overall I find it hilarious and embrace my total lack of social smoothness.

Not this time.

Now, I did not actually say anything, or even really do anything to embarrass myself. It is mostly a random occurrence of certain events that led to me being totally humiliated. Let me start from the beginning.

On Saturday we had a big yard sale. We are trying to get rid of tons of stuff before our big move in 4 week. I love Yard Sales!! I love setting it all up, talking to all the people that come over and just hanging out in the front yard all day! We had a really good turn out! We sold a bunch of stuff and our house is finally starting to feel a little lighter! About halfway through our morning, Ian, Rachel and I were all sitting on our lawn chairs relaxing in between customers. While we were talking a car pulled up and a woman got out, I looked over to say good morning and froze in my tracks. AN AMISH PERSON WAS AT MY GARAGE SALE. A real life Amish person was at my house (driving a brand new Honda Civic?!? That’s a whole other issue…)!! I look over at Ian and Rachel and they are both looking at me with this expectant look, like they are waiting for me to either faint or start talking. I chose talking. I said Good Morning. Yes, I know. Not the most original opening, but I was in shock. At this point, things started to go South.

First off, Rachel started completely losing it.

Rachel- **thinks she is talking quietly, she is not** “Oh my God! Heather, this is like your dream come true! Are you freaking out right now?!”

Me- **whispering** “Rachel! Shut up!!”

Rachel- “Oh My Gosh Heather! It’s not like she can hear me!(**she can**) Seriously, this is the greatest moment of your life! You must be freaking out!”

Me- “Rachel! Stop!”

At this point the woman was looking through all of my books. She had picked up two! I could not believe that an Amish woman was about to buy some of my books!! I was pretty sure we were about to become Best Friends. I had visions of us hanging out drinking tea (do the Amish drink tea!?!) and making pies together. At this point I should mention that her husband was still waiting in the car (the Brand New Honda Civic). I am a little disappointed that he did not find my Garage Sale worthy of getting out of the car.

So, the Amish woman has two of my books in her hand and is looking through the rest of the pile when all of a sudden her whole body language changes. She quickly puts the books down and starts walking back to her car. I barely had a chance to call out, “Have a Great Day” in a sort of desperate voice before she is back in the car and they are driving away. Ian, Rachel and I all look at each other very confused. What Happened?!? I thought we were going to be Besties and now she has left! And so abruptly!

At this moment I look over at the pile of books and realize in horror that on the very top of the pile are not 1, not 2, but FOUR books about AMISH PEOPLE!!!! No wonder she ran away! Between my Amish book collection and my crazy loud sister talking about “this being the greatest moment of my life”, the Amish woman was probably totally creeped out! I was so embarrased! I am sure she is going to tell all her Amish friends and I am going to be totally blacklisted from ever hanging out with any Amish people ever! I was so close!! This was my big chance and it was a giant failure. Do I keep throwing garage sales hoping I will attract more Amish people and have a chance to redeem myself?

We FOR SURE have to move now.